Still Funmy After All These Years

 

The Hollywood Squares
These answers from the days when Hollywood Squares was not scripted. Peter Marshall, the host, asked the questions. Thanks to Carl  and Classic Squares

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. As you grow older, do you gesture more or less with your hands when talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget! 

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde : Loneliness!

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's attractive, is it okay to ask if he is married?
 A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
 A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
 A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
 A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? 
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
 A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh